Tuesday, March 31, 2015

A Month of Instagram- March 2015

Just me at my work space...

If only the camera could match what I see in my eyes.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Queen's Sweet Downward Spiral

Okay, real talk... I use my blog to show my life and my family. With all of the pictures that I show, it seems like I have a pretty happy life but the reality is so far from the truth. My life isn't happy and what I'm about to say on this post, I'm pretty sure that a lot of you mothers and ladies can relate to me. This month has been one of the hardest I have went through and today I'm pretty sure I can say that I have had a mental breakdown. I have cried so many tears today that I don't know how I even have more to give.

I found out that I have Type 2 diabetes yesterday from my doctor at a well women's exam. I was just so...shocked...and afraid and so lost. The thought of myself having to prick my finger two times, three days a week wasn't what I wanted to do. The thought of taking a new medicine that's going to wreck havoc on my body wasn't something I want to do. But it is what it is and I have this. I want to deny it I want to scream and throw stuff and yet...I can't.

The reason I am so afraid is amplified by my anxiety. I keep thinking the worst...thinking about what will happen if I don't take care of this the right way. I'm afraid that I will end up like my nanny, wearing shoes cause she can't feel anything on her feet. I'm terrified at this whole situation and when my doctor told me this bad news, I was just numb. It was the breaking point for for all of the crap that was already piled on me.

What crap?

1. my anxiety is skyrocketing through the roof to the point where I can feel my heart beat pounding all the time

2. My husband...while I love him to death, stresses me so much. We don't have a connective relationship like we used to.

3. My child...I stress about how I parent her and how she is taking to my parenting. Potty training is very hard for me with testing my patience.

4. My mother and I are trying to talk more but we have our differences more often than not

5. I don't drive and I'm afraid to drive

6. I don't have a job and that means no money

7. I'm constantly in pain in some way... my pelvis, my abdominal muscles, my sinuses...

8. I feel like I'm constantly being judged by either my husband, my mom or my family. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells and constantly feel like I need to be to myself because I always mess things up.

I'm just sick and tired of all of this crap and it bears down on me so much that I just want to run away from it all. I want to run of way from my duties of being a mother and a wife. Isn't that just the worst thing ever to say? Didn't I make this choice? Didn't I decide that I wanted a child? Didn't I pick this man to be my husband? What the hell is wrong with me?

Now I just want to get away...I need help and professional health at that. Nobody here in my house can help me. I need somebody to understand me and help me in the right direction so that I can feel better with my daughter and my husband and my mom. Have any of you ever felt like this?

Is this my mid-life crisis? Because I truly believe my life is going in a downward spiral. I can picture it in my head.

What can I do to make my life better? I believe in God...but I don't have faith. I have meds, but I'm afraid to take them. This has got to get better. It's just got to.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Just a Nice Day With La Familia

Ever so often Juan, Sofia and I go to the other side of town to visit with his family. Sometimes it's just them two but other times I tag along. I like being at home but there are times where I love hanging with that side of the family. I love learning as I go along and I love eating their food. (Like seriously LOVE)

We went to Juan's tio and tia's house. Daniel and Martha sometimes have get-togethers at their house so it wasn't new. But before we went over there we stayed for a little while over at the in-laws house. It was a good time to get some cute pics of the littlest man of the family with my new camera. Chapito has gotten so big since he's been born and those cheeks are just to die for! I also got some of Bacon out in the backyard too

Finally we made it over to Daniel and Martha's house to eat and visit con familia. I instantly went to snapping pictures of them getting some good ones of Karina and Eva and others too. Sofia was in full diva mode and I no problems getting pictures of her. Almost too many actually. Between her and Chapito I don't even know how I have time to get pictures of others!

It was a good time as always. Many more where that came from for sure with mi familia around!

Saturday, March 21, 2015

My New Snugglens Camera Bag

Something Snapped Photography is getting on the way. So far...I have gotten two things:

1. My camera: A Nikon D3200 that I love to pieces but still have minimal experience in.

2. My flyers and my business cards that I have made on Vistaprint

Now I have a third item for my business- My new camera bag!

When I saw the Nikon camera bag that I had gotten in my package, I was okay with it, but I knew that I needed something that was more me, that I would be comfortable and happy lugging around while I do sessions. So while browsing around on Etsy I found a business called Snugglens Camera Bags that had a variety of different camera bags. They had different sizes and different material prints. So I kept looking until I found the one bag that made my heart sing: A purple beauty!

So...let's really talk about this bag: It's pretty spacious for a medium size with five inner compartments. There also two other pockets on the side for maybe your cell phone or any other things important to the photographer in you. The material is plush and soft almost like a pillow. So far when I saw it, I loved.

I also got a matching camera strap with the bag. Beautiful no? It took a minute for me to get it onto my camera, but it works for me. There is a pocket on the right side for your lens cap so you can quickly get it on and off between photos. I'm in love <3

Photo goodies include: telephoto lens/wide angle lens, adapter rings, Nikon D3200 with 18-55mm lens
Second Nikon lens (55-200mm), lens cleaning kit
This is what the bag looks like while filled with photography goodies. I put my spare battery and my business cards on the side. Whatever didn't fit that wasn't the most important, I put in my Nikon bag, but I was totally thrilled by what could get inside. I could have found something that really wasn't what I was looking for but I'm totally happy that I found this place on Etsy and I really recommend that all you photo happy moms or people go out and get one as well!

Official Snugglens photo of my purchase

Thursday, March 19, 2015

5000 Question Survey 51-100

51. Make up a definition for the following silly words...

Fruitgoogle: A new way to google!
Ambytime: Time for fun with Amber!
Asscactus: A very prickly ass

52. What was the last thing you made with your own hands?
Wow...does a writing a page in a novel count cause that's the answer for me

53. What was your favorite toy as a child?
It was a tie between my baby doll, Jason and my stuffed dog, Fella

54. How many TV’s are in your house?

55. What is your favorite thing to do outside?
Watch the stars

56. How do you feel when you see a rainbow?

57. Have you ever dreamt a dream that came true?
Yes...though it was more like a nightmare. I had a dream that my Nanny died...and the rest is sad history.

58. Have you ever been to a psychic/tarot reader?
Hell no! While I do believe that some people have gifts...it's not someplace I see myself going in that direction

59. What is your idea of paradise?
White sands, my man by side and a table full of food

60. Do you believe in god and if so what is he/she/it like?
I definitely believe in God and I believe that there is no question that He is above all of us and that we should definitely fear Him. But I also believe that He is a God that is loving.

61. Do you believe in Hell?
Hell to the yes.

62. What one thing have you done that most people haven't?
Been out of the country?

63. What is the kindest thing you have ever done?
I have given some of my breakfast to the homeless.

64. Are you a patient person?
I want to say yes...but it's a definite no.

65. What holiday should exist but doesn't?
Get stuffed til you poop day

66. What holiday shouldn't exist but does?
Columbus Day

67. What's the best joke you ever heard?
????....don't know! I'll come back to that too!

68. Where is the most fun place you have EVER been?
Disney World! WOOT!!!

69. Is your hair natural or dyed?

70. Do you have any deep dark secrets or are you pretty much up front?
I've my secrets definitely...too bad you can't read them.

71. What is under your bed right now?
I have no idea and I'm too scared to find out, hopefully Sofia's metal bat in case of burglars.

72. If you were in the Land of Oz would you want to live there or go home?
I'd live there

73. If you drive do you frequently speed?
I don't drive, yet.

74. What is the world's best song to dance to?
Cha Cha Slide

75. What song was on the last time you danced with someone?
Some kind of cumbia song that I danced to with Juan

76. Do you prefer Disney or Warner Brothers?
Disney definitely

77. What is the first animal you would run to see if you went to the zoo?

78. Would you consider yourself to be romantic?
OH yes...very much so.

79. If the earth stopped rotating would we all fly off?
No, we would fly up cause there is no gravity

80. What is the one thing that you love to do so much that you would make sacrifices to be able to do it?

81. If you (and everyone) had to lose one right or freedom, but you could pick which one everyone had to lose, what would you pick?

82. If you had to choose would you live on the equator or at the North Pole?

83. Would you rather give up listening to music or watching television?
Watching TV

84. What do you think makes someone a hero?

85. What cartoon would you like to be a character in?
Avatar the Last Airbender

86. Name one thing that turns your stomach:
Throw up or seeing somebody throw up...UGH but it's a close tie with anything having to do with your eyeballs.

87. What was the last thing you paid for?
Kindle books

88. Are you a coupon clipper?

89. Get anything good in the mail recently?
My Nikon D3200 camera

90. Which would you rather take as a gym class...dancing, sailing, karate, or bowling?

91. In Star Trek people 'beam' back and forth between different places. What this means is they stand in a little tube and their molecules are deconstructed and sent to another tube somewhere else where they are reassembled. Only problem is when the molecules are deconstructed the person is dead. When they are put back together it is only a clone that has all the dead person's memories. So...

Is the person who gets beamed the same person on both ends?
I'm sorry...I zoned out on this question. So...who knows?

92. What insects are you afraid of?
Shit, all of them!

93. If you could print any phrase on a T-shirt, what would it say?
"Yeah, I'm in another world. You're welcome to join me."

94. What's the most eccentric thing you have ever worn?
I don't know...

95. If you could pick one food that you could eat all you wanted but it would have no effect on how much you weigh, what food would it be?

96. What are your parents interested in?
Dad-Having his dreams come true Mom-Having a successful life

97. Have you ever caught an insect and kept it as a pet?

Have you ever caught and tamed a wild animal?

98. What is more helpful to you, wishes or plans?

99. When do you feel your life energy the strongest?
When I'm making somebody happy or laugh

100. You are spending the night alone in the woods and may bring only 3 items with you. What do you bring?
Sleeping bag, cell phone, clothes
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