Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Worries and Fears

My recovery is going well. I'm still sore in some places but overall, my energy is better and I'm walking around better as well. But yesterday, I hit a sad spot. I was thinking about my future regarding my surgery and it's making me wonder if I have made a good choice.

First off, my hernia repair was done with mesh so I have this square of mesh inside of me. I was skeptical of it when my surgeon/doctor first told me about it. But I figured that I didn't have a choice and so went with it. But now as I'm researching about mesh, I see all these stories about how the mesh constantly makes people hurt. I'm hoping to the Lord above that doesn't happen to me, that I will recover and barely feel this mesh inside of me. It's nerve racking to think of the future, but I do it so often.

The biggest thing I'm worried about however, is the future when it comes to having another baby. The mesh is attached to my muscles and so, it won't stretch with a baby whenever I'm pregnant. I'll have to go through pain of the mesh along with pain of pregnancy so it's making me wonder if it's even worth planning for #2. If Sofia will be enough for me. Juan says that if it comes down to it, he would be ok with just one child. But what about me? What do I think? I just always thought I would have more than one kid. I wanted more than one kid. A brother or sister for Sofia to play with, to take care of. She's already so distant from kids anyway.

So many thoughts in my mind regarding this surgery and I wish they would go away, but they won't until I talk to my surgeon at my post-op appointment. But that's not until next wednesday so that's a lot of days to think.

What about you? Are there any mommies out there who are or have gone through the same thing I have? Do you have any advice? If so, I would sure love to hear it. I need all the advice and good thoughts I can get right now.


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