Friday, June 15, 2012

Time to Post

Wow...everything has been such a blur that I really haven't even been on here to post a decent post. At this moment, I'm watching my baby girl sleeping in her bassinet, wondering when exactly she is going to wake up and be a demanding princess. Things have been a lot more pleasant than in the first month after she came home from the hospital. 

First off, I found that in addition to the pain after childbirth, my anxiety was in full force. I would be so tired, but couldn't find the calm to settle down and rest; my mind was racing so fast and I couldn't. I started getting these jerks in my sleep and because I didn't know what they were, I found myself not sleeping at all. I found out that the jerks were because I WAS sleep deprived and if I went to sleep, they would go away. So I gradually got the rest that I needed. I also was put on anti-depressants that are helping with the anxiety and the depression that soon came afterwards. I lost almost 40 pounds. I'm currently back at my pre-pregnancy weight, but I want to get that down as well.

Little Miss: Even though she was the most beautiful thing I had ever made, was a challenge. Angel and I noticed from the get go that she wasn't always comfortable. We had to supplement formula with breastfeeding and because of that she never seemed to have a very happy tummy. To this day, she doesn't poop every day. I thought it was alarming, but her pediatrician assured me that it was normal; that breastfed babies can go up to 10 days or so with out making a BM. Strange, but as long as she was ok.

Breastfeeding...while I'm talking about it, was a HUGE challenge. I was going through engorgement, clogged ducts and sore nipples from Soi having nipple confusion. I also felt like a milk machine by the way everybody was throwing her at me to feed her. Even after I knew that she wasn't hungry. I began to resent breastfeeding, but inside my heart, I knew I was doing the right thing by my baby girl. Today, we are getting better at feeding and I don't feel bad giving her formula from time to time. 






Sofia is quite possibly the cutest girl I've ever seen. I mean, of course she's mine and all, but it's like I look at her and I just go "SQUEE!" because she is just pudgy and smiley and cute now. There is more crying and demands like she's the princess of the damn house, but still...she's cute.




Things with Angel...are changing. I still love him and he's my husband, but I haven't been able to sleep next to him in almost 2 months. It really sucks. But because of our living situation we haven't been able to do a lot as a family. That and the fact that my mother in law has been a nightmare. We live with my mother now because Alicia said that if I move back in, "things are going to change". In other words, there's going to be more cleaning. Because everything isn't clean enough anyway. I was like "Forget that. You're not going to make me feel bad by moving in." So we're still here waiting for either a house or a new job opportunity for both of us. She's also that kind of person who thinks she knows more as a mother. She likes putting Sofia on her stomach when she sleeps, which I hate. I told Angel, "I will fight your mother on this...if she is sleeping on her stomach, then somebody needs to be in there with her. Because if she suffocates, I'm blaming your mother 100%" 

He said he understood, but we'll see. But other than that...things are slowly coming around. I can't wait to see what folds out now.





 

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